There are many ways to group… older ways, newer ways...
Maybe most importantly, is for each of us to think about, "What kind of grouping would be truly helpful for me? What do I want 'group' to mean?"
We know that there are many problems with the old ways of "grouping," and the kinds of "meetings" they imply, and most of us have plenty of experience with what doesn't work...
For example, we know how much energy can be spent, trying to "decide" on things, and having everyone agree to something… only to have people continue on afterward pretty much as before...
In some ways, this is analogous to the old way of attempting to 'help' someone: we know how much energy can be wasted on trying to 'fix' a person, give them advice, etc…
At the same time, as Focusers, we know there are other ways: we know how much better it can be to listen to a person, to help create a supportive context where they might allow their own 'next steps' to come…
How might this knowing, of what is helpful for individual persons, apply in a context where several people have come together? How can we be with others, in a human grouping, in a way that offers enough space for each of us to remain connected with our own felt-sensing?
I believe that it is important for each of us to ask ourselves this question, and to find our own answers… And, I want to offer here several different formats, that I have found helpful in my own experience… both for whatever help they may be, and also to serve as a catalyst for your own explorations…
Here, then, are four different ways of 'grouping' that I experience as compatible with a Focusing sensibility… this is not meant to be an 'exhaustive' list at all, simply an initial offering to stimulate further thinking and conversation…
1. One way to group around "something fuzzy" in the middle
2. Starting with a clear vision: one way to do a "selfish grouping"
3. Building community: creating a matrix for various kinds of grouping
4. Longer-term groupings: facilitated "this or something better"One way to group around "something fuzzy" in the middle…
If we are working with old models of grouping, one of the surest recipes for disaster is to bring together a group of people around an unclear vision. Each person will have their own idea of what 'the group' should be about, and much time can be lost wrangling over this…
However, from a focusing perspective, we can turn this 'recipe for disaster' on its head quite easily. It's perfectly possible to gather together productively around something that is fuzzy… if our purpose is simply to give each person the listening support they need, to come up with their own sense of 'what is in the middle'…
For example: Suppose I am interested in "Focusing and Bicycles." I am not really sure what I mean by "Focusing and Bicycles"…. I just know that I love to focus, and I love to bicycle, and I think it would be great to combine the two somehow…
So I put out my interest, and end up with a few others who are also interested in "Focusing and Bicycles".
Now, the most important thing in my experience, is to avoid the pitfall of assuming that we all mean the same thing by "Focusing and Bicycles." A somewhat more sophisticated but just as troublesome version, is the assumption that once we take the time to figure out what we each mean, we will somehow end up in the same general ballpark.
Much more productive if I instead assume the exact opposite… Since I'm not sure what exactly I mean by "Focusing and Bicycles", it's quite likely that we will each end up with very different takes on the subject. This is so, especially if our grouping is successful at listening and supporting each person in it! If I understood the purpose of this grouping as an opportunity for each of us to become clearer on what exactly each one means by "Focusing and Bicycles", I will be delighted by this outcome.
It might help to understand this kind of grouping as a 'support group'. The basic format is to take a good chunk of our time together, and divide it equally among us, so each of us has the opportunity to explore our felt-sensing and our thinking in the context of good listening support. In one sense there is no 'leader' to this kind of grouping, as each person gets equal time within the group. Nonetheless, a kind of leadership is still required: if the grouping is to succeed, it helps for the initiator who is extending the invitation to be clear about the particular format being proposed, and its value.
When we are able to gather effectively in this kind of grouping, each of us benefits from the opportunity to become clearer about our own project. If the number of people is small enough, we can each take turns with everyone else listening. In this way, we get to know each other's unfolding projects fairly well. This means that we are often able to offer resources and connections to one another that may help each of us in taking our own 'next steps forward'. It is also possible that some natural clusters might emerge: at some point, two or three people from this grouping might end up working on something together.
Still, if I had expected that, as a result of this particular grouping, we would all end up working together on the same thing, I might be quite disappointed. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work together with others… however, in my experience, that is much more likely to happen when a grouping begins with a more specific initial vision. So, if I now have a clearer vision, I am ready to create a different kind of grouping…
Starting with a clear vision: one way to do a "selfish grouping"
Suppose I have a clear sense of a project I want to create, and I want to ask for help in creating it. Or, the scenario might be slightly different… There is a project I have already started. Others are inspired by the work I am doing, and want to contribute to it. For a long time I have been 'doing it all myself', but now I am ready to consider that it might be possible for me to receive help and support with the project I am doing…
Now I want to stop and explain that I am really teasing when I call this a 'selfish grouping'. The kinds of visions and projects that naturally draw help and support from others tend to be ones that address, in some particular way, the well-being of the whole…
At the same time, in order to grow into being, each particular vision needs at least one person to be its holder, to dedicate him or herself to keeping it alive by staying true to it… And, when we find ourselves in that role, we may hesitate to ask others for help, feeling that if we were to do so, we might need to compromise the vision in some way…
So the vision itself is not at all selfish, but we may often end up feeling that it would be selfish to ask for help with it, since we know deep down that we must not jeopardize the gift with which we have been entrusted.
Here, then, is one way that we might use, to welcome the help that our own projects need, while safeguarding our role as vision-keeper.
This format consists of three rounds. The vision-keeper or project initiator goes first. He or she begins by describing the current state of the project, along with any needs for help. The folks who are drawn to the vision and want to support the initiator, take turns reflecting back this information, and asking clarifying questions as needed. Then the project initiator takes some time to focus on the project, also with listening support.
During the second round, each of the support persons takes a short thinking/focusing turn. During their turn, they:
a) explore what they might want to contribute to the vision-keeper's project; and
b) note briefly anything that has come up for them personally in the process, that might have to do with their own existing or future projects.
Support people take turns offering listening support to one another in this round. The vision-keeper is simply 'witnessing' or 'overhearing', yet he or she still needs to be present.During the third and final round, the vision-keeper speaks again. He or she identifies any offers of help that have been shared during the second round, that he or she would welcome and find useful. Any contributions that he or she would not find helpful, can be "re-owned" by their originators and folded back into their own work.
The purpose of this format is to create a space for freely requesting help, for freely offering help, and for freely accepting or declining help. It allows project initiators to receive assistance with their projects, while also respecting that each person who is offering support is at the same time the actual or potential initiator of their own projects.
Building community: creating a matrix for various kinds of grouping
A third kind of grouping that is particularly helpful for community-building is a large, open-to-all-comers 'matrix space.' In some ways it is similar to the "something fuzzy" format, as there is no expectation of everyone working on a single project. It is also different in some ways: it is generally larger than the '"something fuzzy" format, and its purpose is to hold a wider networking-and-forming-many-groupings space.
In a matrix space, people are invited to celebrate any small (or large!) successes of projects they are leading, along with making any requests for help. People who are interested and not yet active can come to learn about the various projects that are taking place, as well as to introduce themselves and speak briefly about what they might be interested in doing.
Sometimes, a matrix space might be immediately followed by a period of time during which the various smaller groupings can meet. If that is not possible, it helps if there can at least be the opportunity for people to meet briefly in order to exchange contact information, set a time to meet as a smaller grouping, etc.
Many people enjoy the opportunity to hear about what is happening, celebrate small steps that have been taken, make and respond to requests for help, and introduce themselves to the community. This kind of grouping is not particularly complicated, and offers great value. Even so, it still requires that the person extending the initial invitation be clear about the format and purpose of this kind of 'coming together'.
One of the reasons I am emphasizing the importance of clarity in the original invitation, is the unfortunate tendency for people to attempt to 'hijack' groupings that do not have a clear intention and purpose. For whatever reason, many people feel intimidated about putting out an invitation to gather, and find it much easier to attempt to influence an already existing grouping. While a 'matrix' space can 'give birth' to any number of smaller groupings, its function is destroyed if it becomes captive to a more limited purpose.
Longer-term groupings: facilitated "this or something better"
Once a number of people have been working together for a while, the need for a different kind of gathering format will often become apparent. For example, the people who have been helping with the project, may have particular insights arising from their proximity to the work they are doing. At the same time, they may be encountering some difficulties in communicating with the vision-holders.
For their part, the original vision-holders still hold a unique and highly important perspective with regard to the project. At the same time, they might begin to sense some ways in which they may be contributing to holding the project back. This kind of situation is quite understandable and frequently encountered, though this does not make it less painful.We already know from Focusing, that it often helps to have an 'outside' person in the role of "listener", for the process within a person to unfold. This is especially the case when we are encountering a difficult situation, or, if we are wanting to access a deeper level of creativity. Similarly, it often helps to have an 'outside' person in the role as "listener", for the process between persons to unfold. This allows whatever diversity or paradox within the group, previously experienced as conflict, to offer its life-giving gift.
From a Focusing perspective, we can understand the purpose of a facilitated gathering as allowing the life in each "part" to be fully heard, so that it can offer its gift to the larger whole. The non-directive facilitator or 'designated listener' is someone who is to some degree 'outside' of the immediate system, precisely so that each person in the system can be free to voice the fullness and intricacy of their own particular place within the situation as a whole.
In a situation where people have been working together for a while, having someone in the role of 'designated listener' does not alter either the role of the vision-holders nor of the people serving in a support capacity. It simply creates a space where everyone is able to safely 'overhear' one another. This, in turn, creates the possibility of life-forward shifts in each person with regard to the shared situation, by creating the opportunity for each person to experience the situation more fully.
In this context, the vision-keepers are able to experience the freedom of 'this or something better' with regard to their role as guardians of the vision. By participating in a facilitated process, they are inviting the possibility of a deepening or an expansion, but only if it rings true to their felt sense of the original vision.
What next?
Each of the four examples described above shares a common element: the importance of protecting each person's connection to their own process of felt-sensing, meaning-making, and life-creating. At the same time, each particular format responds to a different kind of situation: from clarifying one's place in a given field along with others… to moving forward with a very specific project… to creating a forum where many kinds of groupings can develop… to supporting life-forward movement within a long-term collaboration or organization.
Human beings are such an extraordinary unfolding… From the practice of Focusing, we know how rich and meaningful our experiencing can be. Likewise, any 'meeting' of two or more humans has the inherent capacity to be an extraordinary situation, full of unique possibility and creativity… when we are able to design and enter into the kinds of spaces that allow for the fullness of such a 'meeting' to take place…
So much to be explored, as humans, in the interpersonal and group realms… I look forward to the gifts your own experiencing will offer to the on-going conversation…
Created on ... November 29, 2004