Articles and Experiences of Eric Lorup
Back around 2000, I attended several workshops presented by Theresa Dawson on Focusing and dreams. They were amazing, and she was amazing.
The workshops were in New York City and I live in southern New Jersey. I had to drive for an hour, then take the train for a half hour, and then walk for twenty minutes to make the start of the second day on time, so I was in a hurry.
Things happened to me the morning after the first day - as soon as I woke up, I was two people in two different places at the same time.
At first I thought I was still dreaming and only half awake. I was afraid to move - I was standing under a tree on a grassy hill looking down towards a forest. I was also lying in a bed in my apartment.
After a while I decided to try moving around. I sat up; I pulled the covers up over my legs. I looked around, moving my head as I did so.
I was wide awake; the things around me made sense in their order and had history, such as memories of where I bought them and how long I had them. I was oriented in physical reality.
And, I was standing under a tree, on a hill enjoying a sunny day. This was a very startling and clear demonstration of something Theresa had said the day before, which was that a dream was a life.
I enjoyed this state for quite a while, something like a half hour or so. But I had to go to the second day of the workshop so I had to get ready.
As soon as I concentrated my attention on the specifics of getting up and getting dressed, I became one person again. The concentration required to perform precise actions in physical reality narrowed my attention to one reality experienced by one person. Bummer. Also I was running late and in a big hurry.
Driving fast and worried about missing the train, I missed a crucial turn. I thought I was going to be forced to drive into Pennsylvania but then I saw an exit off the highway. I took the exit but now I was lost. I didn't know how to get back onto the highway at a place that would enable me to make the turn I missed. As I drove I became more and more distraught because I was late and lost. I became very upset and angry and even panicky.
Then suddenly everything changed. I suddenly realized it was a beautiful day. The countryside was lovely, and I was missing all this beauty with my foul mood. The change was so sudden it was like a body shift in a Focusing session.
As I was realizing all these things, a train went past headed in the opposite direction. It was the train I missed. I could feel the connection between myself and the me that did not miss the train.
I knew he was looking out the window feeling the same appreciation and wonder at the beauty of the day and the countryside.
I was two people again but this time the connection was through body fields and felt senses and was not the same as when I woke up. It was one step removed, as it were. Still very enjoyable, it changed my day. And, in my relaxed state, I was able to make the correct turns to get back onto the highway that I needed to be on.
Then as I drove over the railroad tracks on an overpass, something else happened. A train went past underneath and I knew there was an Eric on that train.
I could feel a body field connection, but not a felt sense connection. We were not sharing experiences, or if we were I could not feel them except for the physical connection of a body field, which was definite but slightly faint.
So now I had experienced being two people at once, 3 different ways, with 3 me's. It all seemed a bit confusing.
The experiences I had that day have made a great difference in my life. One difference is that it is now easy for me to be two versions of myself in a different way, as when I become “massive”.
Being massive is a matter of expanding my awareness by expanding my felt sense and going with it as it expands. It is hard to explain; like many of my experiences, I thought I would forever be doing this alone, until one day Bruce wanted to bring some peace and harmony to a large area of land that was populated by millions of people. He expressed concern over how two people could make a change over such a large area.
I suddenly had a strong impulse to get massive. I knew that our connectedness would allow him to experience massiveness also. So I said "That is easy. First we expand our felt sense to the size of the galaxy." And we did just that.
It does involve being huge and still maintaining an awareness of yourself as a small person in a definite earthly location. But at the same time, you are as large as a galaxy.
Then we “shrank down” to a size small enough to be specific about what region of the earth we were affecting, but still large enough so that the size of the area was no problem. Bruce will have to give you his own description of what that was like for him, if he wants. I know he did it because I could feel his presence when I was galaxy-sized. …..
Massive Inside Out
During today's Resonant Focusing for Peace meeting, I had a new experience. I felt my massive self looking out through my eyes with me. The experience took me by surprise, and I did not mention it to the group.
I could feel the difference in several ways. First of all, I could feel the presence of a personality that was huge. It is hard to describe because it involves something much larger than me looking out through my eyes and hearing with my ears.
There was a definite feeling of humor, like this was all a rollicking good time. While I enjoy the sessions and I frequently enjoy a bit of laughter during them, I am usually too serious about what we are doing to consider it a “rollicking good time”.
I could also feel a tenderness or warm heartedness toward everyone involved, including myself. I do feel that way toward the members of our group, but this was different. It was bigger and not like my ‘usual Eric’ except during my most sentimental reminiscences. I did not feel massive, but I could feel the felt sense of being squeezed into this tiny creature. It was an unfamiliar feeling.
Understand that when I am doing a lot of healing, I can feel a part of me that has evolved (I don't think that is the most accurate term but it is as close as I am likely to get) looking out through my eyes with me. I have come to call this part the healer. It feels as much female as male, but only in relation to healing. Asexual would be closer.
Sometimes when this happens, I'll check my felt senses with the intention of finding out what this healer part feels like. It is not massive. It does not laugh that I can remember, and it doesn't seem to cry either. It is not overly sentimental, nor even compassionate by my normal standards. It is centered. It is softer and stronger than me. It is a healer and that is all it seems to care about - being a healer.
Okay, so the reason I mention this is because the massive me is more me somehow, or more like the way I like to think of myself anyway. A sense of humor about it all, a love of the companionship of those who share my world. The massive me only stayed for a short time, maybe five to ten or fifteen minutes. I have no idea what to make of the incident or if it will ever happen again.
Eric wrote this essay, using the subject of sexuality, to teach a college-aged audience about felt sensing and making energy connections.
It is written under the pseudonym Alabat Macord.