Representatives in Purple, comments and observations in Black. Bold is that representative reporting.
Connection to the land-lays down, thirsty.
Silence-is expanding, feels the land. Connection to the land could better pay attention when there is silence
Outsider -feels separate, disconnected. Is positioned way outside the circle against the wall.
Connection to the land wants to keep connection to the One who excludes.
Silence wants to move to the Outsider, but also wants connection with the Land.
Collective grief-is behind silence
There seems to be no connection between the Children and Adults. The Children are stuck in their own place.
The one who excludes- “There is a perceived fear, that feeds me even more.
I seek the weakest spot and go for it. It is so easy to break down the easiest one, and then I can get into the whole system….
I can also operate over a distance.”
Silence and Collective grief stood in front, in service of the Children. There was some feeling of relief and release.
“If I can speak for the Children, I can be heard. I draw strength from this.” Silence feels the power of connection with the Children.
Silence wants to expand around the Excluded.
The One who excludes is bored with the issue.
Another representative comes in -the Vulnerable Part of the One who excludes (who doesn’t know that he needs help.)
The One who excludes is also excluded. “You all have your groups. It feels like everyone else is self-indulgent, self-righteous. They take the moral high ground. They all look at me as if I’m less than or worse than them.”
The One who excludes says to the one who supports his own vulnerable place “He saw something in me.” There is some excluded part of the excluded…
The One who excludes and the Vulnerable part, feel that this relates to ancestry.
“Were all so excluded/disconnected.
We’re all standing as individuals, not as a collective”
The Outsiders are taking their time entering, brought into the circle by the children
The Children want everyone to be connected.
There is some interaction between the One who excludes and the Outsider. The One who excludes says “I don’t judge you now”
However the Outsider still feels very scared and cannot trust the other “How can I possibly trust you?!”
This feels to be an important place in the constellation, but it is difficult to see any way of making headway here.
The One who excludes is shifting and more open, but the Outsider has good reason to not trust this and is still wary.
At this point in time the One who excludes does an experiment and changes places with the Outsider “She feels like the bad girl, the one not behaving…”
When she decided to do that, the victim felt better. However the one who Excludes went into a shame loop and was filled with self-loathing. It felt as if “there is no return from this”
The shame loop intensifies-the One who excludes who is now on the outside, feels as if there is no way out of this evil cycle. She feels like there is no way she can be saved and cannot perceive how she can be saved from this depth of self-loathing and evil. This one begins to say “I feel as if I am the most evil of all”, as if there are no redeeming qualities within.
The Children feel powerless.
To the Outsider….“You’re the only one who can bring her back in, because you’re the only one who knows how she feels…”
The One who excludes is also isolated. There is a sort of mirroring
Recognizing that mirroring was not enough.
The challenge of listening to/honoring who was hurt. Both the victim and the perpetrator were hurt, but they cannot both be listened to in the same space at the same time
Spinning/shame spiral is a key and is a very delicate/intense place. Death seemed the only way out.
The question of “Will I go (kill myself) on my own, or take others with me?”. This place didn’t even feel human.
Can this spiral be prevented?
This negative spiral has been grown for generations.
Some little spark occurred when the one who excludes had a resource. The resource seemed to be offering kind attention to suffering. It may also have been water.
This whole thing feels very ancestral
Grief transforms to forgiveness…Something about faith here.
[Note: There was a long exploration of this particular spot because it felt very important. Some of what came from exploring this in a Focusing way was:
Need space and to be heard. And the Excluded one may need to be heard first.
But, as the Outsider said “could someone else listen to her? She scares the life out of me!”
This is the koan. Both need to be listened to, but, they cannot be too close together nor listened to in the same space. They each need help, and separately…
The resource of Water says “I need you included. And I can hear you”
We asked - If we just acknowledge this place, is there any longing that wants to be voiced?
“A feeling that silence needs to leave the room”
Silence is wanting both to be heard
There is some anger that arose about religious faiths, how they keep on dividing us
Both the outsider and the one who excludes are excluded, but the victim gets to wear the badge of being hurt.
Post constellation processing:
-There is something here very subtle and energetic.
-“Tapping into the system offers more nuance than intellectually thinking about it.”
-“Feeling a place where my caring can be connected”.
How can we set up the system so we can prevent this dynamic from happening?
-We’re not ready to make much space for the Children…
Children wanting some power as well
-Judgment and self judgment get confused
-A sense as if there were centuries of exclusion. This did not happen overnight. This brews, and stews…
-Some things made it worse, that you would think would help
-We are all excluded. The victim didn’t see.
-The spiral of shame and destruction are like paired spins on electrons. They fuel each other.
Then the one who excludes moved to the outside, and it spiraled down
The spinning is too fast and too quickly happening to make it better.
[also, something here about Interested Curiosity. And, enlisting the help of the deeply distressed, to get help in understanding this, to be of service, and in exploratory partnership]
Silence had many roles:
-gave strength
-got in the way
-blocked something
there is a silence in nature that is healing, but we had not quite gotten there…
The victim/Outsider “how could I possibly ever trust you?”
The one who excludes felt as if was all his problem.
as if there was “evil” there “I felt evil at the core of me”
“not sure who’s it was - was it my own stuff, or not?”
If there is some perception of being evil, you can keep acting out from that and get stuck.
“Born wrong”
how those “seeds of evil” can grow.
Are there places where people can be accepted with these “unwelcome” places?